Grey Area : Grey Matter
The grey matter holds all the contradictions, the paradoxes: memory and doubt, logic and emotion. When all these colors mix together, it becomes a grey. I overthink, overfeel, try too hard to understand, that no one is fully good or bad, I am not either.
It doesn’t take much for someone to shift from white to grey in my head. But to a complete, permanent black, that’s rare. They always exist in this dull, muddy, hard to define space. That’s what it feels like sometimes: boiling in this strange, lukewarm grey of resentment I never fully forgive, never fully forget. Just stuck in the in-between.
This grey area isn’t really indifference, because it’s more of the coexistence of complex feelings that refuse to be labeled. The grey area isn’t weakness because it takes a kind of endurance to live without easy answers. It isn’t benevolence either, because it doesn’t come from kindness or generosity.
Grey Area of Love and Lust:
In The Erotic Mind, it’s explained that love and lust thrive in the grey area, the overlapping space in the Venn diagram where they touch, but don’t fully merge. They lose their electricity when completely separate, like black, or when entirely fused, like white. What makes desires of the grey matter powerful for me isn’t clarity, it’s tension and anticipation. The not knowing. The space where you crave someone but don’t quite have them, where feelings flicker between emotional intimacy and physical wanting.
There is still the danger of those feelings becoming muddled and muddy. Lust sharpens when love is uncertain, and love deepens when touched by the rawness of want. But when the boundary between them blurs too much, it can heighten connection or distort it. That contradiction is a grey area in itself.
The grey area is anything but neutral. It only exists because I understand what black and white are. The grey area isn’t a lack of knowing, it’s shaped by the tension between both extremes. I will always see things in a grey scale.